Dear Fyreph,

     As much as we hate to admit it when we are teenagers, our parents play one of the most important roles in our lives during adolescence. We hate them, we love them, we hate them again, we love them again. On the inside, our parents’ opinion of us is held up high, even when on the outside we seem to shrug it off and say, “I don’t care what you think!”

     During adolescence, our bodies are a fairground for hormones. They’re on roller coasters one second, on the Tilt-a-Whirl the next, and then are off playing games. These are the years your hormones are all over the place, getting ready to finally settle down, and because of this you feel extreme emotions.

     Therefore, it is normal to burst into tears when your parents yell at you. You may experience this more so when your father yells at you because his voice is more commanding, having a deeper affect on you. Maybe your father is the parent whose opinion counts more to you and this is why it affects you more than your mother’s yelling. Subconsciously, you could be experiencing feelings of disappointment, what I feel is the worst feeling any child can feel in regards to their parents, when your parents yell at you, and you are showing it through your emotions.

     Horrible feelings often come out in tears when you’re a teenager. Often times, as a teenager, I would cry if my parents yelled at me for something, or when my parents were yelling at each other.

     Try to talk to your parents. Ask them if instead of yelling at you, if they could come to you and talk to you about what is bothering them. Tell them how you feel when they yell. It won’t necessarily stop them from yelling (all parents yell sometimes), but it may make them aware of your feelings and make them think more about how they handle certain situations. I know it’s extremely hard to talk to parents about your feelings, so bring it up the next time you’re feeling emotional. When they yell at you and you start crying say, “Please stop yelling at me. I get very upset when you yell. Please just talk to me instead of yelling.” Try writing a letter if you’re too afraid to say it. Letters are often a great way to tell someone something that’s bothering you because it gives you a chance to say whatever it is you need to say without the person being able to immediately jump on the defense.

    If you feel this is something more than just feeling emotional, make an appointment with your guidance counselor or school psychologist at school and talk to them about it. If you are feeling this way in other confrontational situations you may be experiencing a small form of anxiety. This can be helped through counseling.

Dear bakblogger,

I thought long and hard about how I could answer this question, because it is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. After much thought, I decided I will start off my advice by saying the most cliché, yet most important thing I can possibly say: You are not alone.

It is an often assumption that most people are in relationships. When you’re single, the entire world looks like it is full of couples. Everywhere you turn there are people hand in hand, looking all lovey–dovey eyed at each other. The truth is, these couples only make up half of the population. According to studies conducted by CouplesCompany.com, 50% of all Americans over the age of 18 are single. Look at the number of online dating sites as proof. Searching for these companies on Yahoo is mind blowing. Millions of online dating sites exist, with millions of people using them to find dates.

There are many, many people who have never been in relationships before. Attractive, fun-loving, great people whose time, for some reason or another, hasn’t come yet. You would never know it from looking at them. You see them out and you think, I’m sure that person has had tons of relationships! But the truth is far from it.

Here are a few tips I’ve collected along the way when it comes to meeting someone:

1. Be confident, and if you’re not confident, act like you are. Confidence attracts people. You don’t have to be arrogant or stuck on yourself (Confidence and arrogance are two completely different things). Just be yourself and believe in yourself. Truly believe there is someone out there for you. Don’t tell yourself, I will never find someone! I’m hopeless! This will only bring you down and your personality will reflect it. Fill yourself with positive energy, which people will want to be around!

2. Don’t look for a relationship. One will find you. The saying that loves always finds you when you’re not looking for it is true. People are often attracted to or excited by someone they feel is a challenge to get. Don’t be obvious. Go out and have fun and if you meet someone great, but if you don’t, great just the same!

3. Join clubs. If you’re in school, join things. The more people you meet, the more of a chance there is to meet someone you’ll be interested in whose interested in you.

4. When you meet someone you are attracted to, act interested, but not too interested. This is the most common mistake people make after they’ve found someone they’re interested in. No one likes or is attracted to desperation. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, “I don’t understand why she won’t call me back! I just keep calling her and calling her and calling her!” Don’t cross that line. Call once, leave a message, and go about your life.

5. While you’re not in a relationship, learn from your friends who are. Some of the most important relationship lessons I’ve learned were from my friends and what they were going through in their relationships.

6. Don’t be picky. If you meet someone whom you feel just isn’t your type, talk to them anyway. Don’t rule anyone out. First impressions aren’t always true. Just because you haven’t found your special someone yet, doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you.

You will find that person one day. I promise. For some people it happens later than earlier. As I said, this issue is one that is near and dear to my heart. I didn’t have a serious relationship until I was almost 21. :-)

lol...umm answer my question however you like. i know my answer but i want a diff persons point of  view. ..okay i have a 3 yr old son he is goin to georgia with his father ..its his visiting time.summer time. and this will be the first time for the summer away from me and his family. i havent told anyone except my friends. i will tell my parents likea  day before he leaves.lol...they are so close to my son. and ive sorta talked on it but my mom says no way is he going.....but he has a father who he needs to see and visit. spend time with him. and im the mom i have the right to let his father take him for the summer so i can have my time of working since i havent in like yrs and yrs. ouch.  so am i doin the right thing? lettin my son leave miles and miles away im in texas hes leavin to georgia i think 16 hrs away. and i will get him after summer is done. i think everything will be fine and dandy. but imma have to deal with my mother. what you think. im open to whatever you have to say. im 23 son is 3 father is 28. he lives with fiance who is prego i think and shes 38. with 3 kids. and there you go. hope to hear from ya soon. thanks!!!!!

whatsonmymind

Dear Whatsonmymind,

It is unfortunate when parents have to live so far away from each other, but thus is the reality of life. I agree with your feelings that your son should be able to see his father. Considering the young age of your son, it is important for him to be able to develop a positive relationship with his father, regardless of the miles between him and his father. This "dad will take you in the summers" arrangement is very common among parents who do not live near each other (I have in fact had a few friends who were raised by their parents this way).

I read a couple articles for you about the role of a father and how important it is for children to spend time with their father. I suggest you read this article from Psychology Today: Father's Time, as it might give you some information about the relationship between father and child (One that isn't often studied as much as the mother-child relationship).

As for your mother (and my mother would love for me to admit this to her), mothers always seem to know what's best, but sometimes you have to make your own choices and let your mother know how she makes you feel. Is there a reason, besides the obvious answer of not wanting to be away from her grandson, why your mother doesn't want her grandson going to live with his father for the summer? Does she disagree with his lifestyle? Does she hold a grudge against him for things that had happened in the past between you and him? Is she afraid he may harm your son, either physically or emotionally?

If the latter is the case, then you need to sit back and think about where your mother is coming from. Is there a reason to think your son's father would harm your son in some way? Does he have a history of being physically or verbally abusive? Does he have a bad temper? All of these things can affect the development of your child and therefore, should be taken seriously. Remember, your son's only parental contact for three months will be his father.

I am guessing however, that you do not feel abuse or a bad temper is a possible scenario, or you wouldn't be so willing to give your ex some quality time with his son. I would think about why your mother feels so strongly and if you feel her reasons are not serious enough to keep your son away from his father, I would tell your mother you respect her opinion, but you feel it is necessary for your son to know his father (not just know about him, but really know him). Research the affects of the father-child relationship, especially on sons, and present your findings to your mother.

Be sure to tell your mother how she is making you feel. If you express your feelings or how a person is making you feel, a person is less likely to jump down your throat. I know it's difficult not to get wrapped up in your emotions and start yelling, but try to approach the situation calmly. "Mom, when you do this, I feel..." "I am only trying to do what's best for my son." I would discourage you from waiting to tell your parents the day before your child leaves. If you want your mother to respect your choices as an adult, you must treat her as an adult in return. Giving grandparents a 24-hour notice that they will not see their grandson for the next three months is immature. Be confident in your decision as a mother.

Good luck with your problem. I am glad your son has a mother who loves him. There are too many children in this world who are not as lucky.

Before I begin to answer anyone's questions with advice, there were some questions as to my age and qualifications that I believe must be answered before I continue.

By no means am I a licensed therapist. I have no psychology doctorate or degree. I am simply a young teacher in her 20's who has been helping people through their problems for as long as I can remember. I have a lot of experience with adolescents from all types of backgrounds, especially those considered "at-risk" youth, and I have therefore worked with others who have a variety of problems.

However, setting all of that aside, I feel I am merely a person, outside your situation, who can maybe give you a different look at your problems. I have kept online journals (or blogs if you want to call them) for many years and have discovered that often times, those who did not know me were my best advisors.

From working with teenagers, I have found that all any person wants is to be heard. Sometimes just talking about or writing about whatever's bothering you makes you feel better. And to have someone acknowledge your feelings is even better.

I am here to listen. That is all. I am not a cure and I'm not always right. You can listen to my advice or disregard it. If you need to talk about something, talk. I am only lending an extra ear. I will post your questions and answer them the best I can. And I would love it if others read your questions and left their own advice. The more voices you have to listen to, the better. 

After experiencing months of MindSay on a different name, I found this site to be lacking in the advice department. And thus, since every great journal needs a great advice columnist, I implore you to submit your questions to me. You need advice? I got it for you.

Am I qualified to give advice? Sure. I believe my years of life experience make me very qualified to give others advice. Sometimes the only thing a person needs to hear is someone else's opinion on whatever it is that ails them. Listening to someone who is "outside the box" of your life and knows nothing about you can be best thing for you. It is often strangers who give the best advice.

Please leave your question below in a reply and I will do my best to answer every question asked. Thanks a lot and I look forward to helping you.